You guys. I am so damn tired of talking about this, so you must be tired of hearing me talk about this. Today I vow to stop talking about this…right after I use the story to demonstrate a very important lesson. Listen up.
Blah, blah, blah, if you ever read my stuff, you know I was involved with this guy for the last year-plus. You know that at some point it became clear that we did not want the same things.
You also may have gathered that I was having a hard time believing it since it was honestly the most intimate and emotionally connected relationship I’ve ever had. (Pretty much from the beginning.)
Fast forward to June
There came a time when I started to feel agitated, when I started to feel like this relationship wasn’t a place I could get my current needs and desires met. Bringing up how I felt was scary, because I knew that saying it out loud would mean that I had to be willing to do something about it – and that everything might change because of it.
And sure enough, when he affirmed that he wasn’t in a place to meet my needs and desires for the relationship, we called it off.
It sucked. Did I mention how amazing this relationship and man were?
And yet, I had to be willing to leave it in service of the bigger thing I wanted, where I could have the fuller version of the relationship that I really wanted.
I’m a slow learner
I know, you’re asking, “If this happened in June, and it’s September, why are you still talking about it?”
Right. This right here is where the gold is. The work of not settling is not a one and done kind of situation. You can’t just plow through the information, absorb it, and be a totally different human being on the other side.
Why did it take so long? Well, because something about being apart didn’t feel right. So we looked at what else might be possible there. And then something about that didn’t feel right either. And then one day, it just clicked. The thing I wanted and the option in front of me were so disparate that I would have been a fool to say yes to it.
I was willing to walk away from an incredible man because the thing he was offering wasn’t what I wanted. This is the work of not settling.
Let’s be clear, there was/is nothing about *him* that would have been settling. The settling would have been because the relationship that was available to happen with him, at that time, was so directly in conflict with the relationship I want.
Being willing to leave was a bold, brave act of loyalty. To myself.
Becoming loyal to yourself is a process.
A process where you learn about yourself, you test what you know about yourself, and have enough tools at your disposal to keep coming back to yourself.
To what you believe is possible for your life.
To the thing that you want.
To what you’re willing to do to have it.
To who you are, fully, authentically.
To how you want to show up in your relationships.
To how to build that relationship with someone else.
To how committed you are to you.
Do you want to join me and other women like you in this process?
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